I showed the kid and he gasped. I told him to eat my shorts cause that's hella whack home skillet. I have a teenager, a preteen, and a kindergartner. When my daughter was 7 years-old she once interrupted a bedtime story to tell me, In a pie-eating contest, it doesnt matter if you win or lose because you get to eat pie. I think about that a lot. I honestly hate how true this proved to be. Parenting tip: For a teething infant, call grandma and tell her to pick up the kid. Follow me for more eye-opening parenting tips. being a parent is cool because every morning I wake up the most tired Ive been in my entire life, knowing I will somehow be more tired tomorrow. *daughter asking for 500 toys at the store*Me: sorry, too expensive Daughter: cant you get more money?? Ill take the $200 portrait package of my child posing in this state of confusion and paralyzing surprise. The new year was a new flood of email. Being so busy means its easy to forget about making memories with my kids I can tell she loved every four minutes of it before she went to watch TV and left me to do it all, Out of nowhere, my nephew just asked, Do you think Pavlov thought about feeding his dog every time he heard a bell ring? and now Im going to be haunted by this question. I be positive parenting but children dont be positively childrening. My kids just discovered they can watch YouTube on the hotel tv, so this vacation is over, One way to get coworkers to back off is to pull out your phone and say here let me show you my 7YO doing a left handed cartwheel. Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 21, 2022. "Kids should come with a 'skip intro' button for their stories". It's adorable, but I do try to help him say the correct word. She said, "one day, maybe you'll be the best mom in the universe." Have you ever been shopping without your kid and someone's child in the store starts whining to their mother and you breathe a sigh of relief because that could have been you? The fact that my 8 year old farted in my face RIGHT after I told him that Id had a terrible day has me thinking that all those fairytales about parents leaving their kids in the woods may have actually been true stories. Here are some of the best quips Ive come across this week. Find out what flavor of ice cream your kids hate and learn to love it. You gotta start a new life someplace else. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Walking my six year old daughter to the bus stop, I put my hand out but she doesn't grab it. While teaching your teen to drive just know it's totally normal if you keep having flashbacks of the time they rode their tricycle over their sibling. Start finger painting. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. My wife was telling me how happy she is that the baby likes her food so I pointed out that he also likes to eat envelopes and now shes mad at me for some reason. 8yo: daddy whats your best talent?me: hmm I dont know, maybe being a dad?8yo: no thats not it. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. 3. Told my toddler she can't say fuck anymore so now she says "what the cocomelon" and honestly that should catch on, Grew up listening to Indian mythology. At only 17 he has already achieved the dental joke dream Ive been striving to reach for 46 years. I better not shout, I better not cry, I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time. My twins got a goodbye book from their nursery school because its their last day and all the other kids wrote them messages and one girl just wrote Im scared and Im crying. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on . Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! Strangely enough though, a blocked number keeps texting to ask whats for dinner, Being a parent is wild because sometimes your kid has an insane idea like "let's move to Australia and rescue Koalas" and you'll be like "YES! You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Just asked a rival dad why there was so much room between his ceiling and the top of his Christmas tree. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Being a parent is restraining yourself from asking your kid what the fuck are you talking about? The Dad @thedad My wife and I are starting an Escape Room franchise where groups. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. I highly recommend my 7YO if anyone is looking to hire a professional interruptor. Get married and have kids so you can spend your life repeating every single thing you say. My kid just tried to win an argument with "Because I said so" and I had to break it to him that only parents get to win by saying that. Lets see how this plays out. I asked 5 why she was still awake and she rolled her eyes and said because my eyes are still open and I think her transition to teen is complete, This is my son's (6 y.o.) Lots of straight onesMe: pic.twitter.com/p919au4ztR, Making it rain but youre a parent: pic.twitter.com/mKPrrU3eCL, My 4-year-old son gave me a handmade card for Father's Day. Sit still you animals ! My wife yells at the kids just before she posts the photo she took of them on Facebook captioned My World. Dads, on vacation: I wonder how much rain we got at home. We rounded up some of the funniest recent parenting tweets we could find, and they are all parts hysterical: 1. Follow me for more parenting tips. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. "A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying 'I can do it myself' over and over". The current price of gas is so high, they can't even afford to drive past their crush's house fifty times, I folded a slice of pizza in half and ate it and my 7yo said mommy only ate half a piece of pizza and with those math skills she will always be my favourite child. Here are this week's dad jokes, mom puns, funny tweets, memes, and plain old rants from other parents. Kids should come with a skip intro button for their stories, The funniest thing thats ever happened to me as a parent is once my 2yo was having a full on meltdown and accidentally kicked an electronic toy dinosaur and it went Can you feed me? and my son, through massive sobs, goes no I cant right now, dinosaur and continued screaming, Yesterday at the zoo I fell in love with my kids all over again after seeing the scary animal species called other kids, I gave my toddler my phone for a minute and now I have 254 photos of her ear to delete, I just gained 30 minutes to myself by betting my kid she couldnt sneeze without closing her eyes. "It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both? She asked if it's a name for goats. My 4-year-old says the wrong name for many things. I tell all 3 of my kids that they are the password child. I ask her if we beefin and she looks me in the eye and tells me she thinks that she's getting a little . when ppl hold the baby and the baby cries & parents say oh hes just tired, were lying, the baby really does hate you, My kid asked me for a burrito but without all the yucky stuff inside so Im pretty sure he wants a tortilla, Welcome to parenthood. The WP Minute - WordPress news. The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets! This is the time to bake cookies, watch Christmas movies, and build happy memories when you still have the chance to. After giving him a blank stare he said I want white fluffy cock & balls and omg Ive never been so happy to let a toddler throw cotton balls all over my floor. what ages does the sticky crusty food particles all over the fridge door handles stop? Look dad, that star is glitching.We used to call that twinkling but ok. My 5 yo lost her first tooth and wanted to bring her tooth fairy swag to school to flex on her friends. When do we learn how to breathe underwater? My kid, overestimating his swimming lessons. I'm teaching my kids to read to help them succeed in school. ". Me: You mean red light, green light. Tie-dye. I took the kids out for the day so my husband could relax and apparently my husbands interpretation of relaxing is relaxing and not doing 16 loads of laundry. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. So, I sent my kid into preschool with a little bag of white powder for show and tell. She wanted grandchildren, right? 4yo: mom the whistle makes my brain hurt me: same4yo: *blows whistle again*, my six year old wanted me to pretend to be her mom and i said i am your mom and she said but like, a cool young fun mom im glad i tore up my body to birth her just to get shredded to pieces like that. If you are a mom it means sometimes you feel bad about throwing away sticks. The idea of them, especially when advertised on TV, is great: I'm into the promise of less sulking, more action, and a relatively positive attitude. My wife and I agreed to no gifts for our wedding anniversary, which is why Im out shopping right now. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 2022 45 Funny Tweets From This Month So Far That Reminded Me Why I Never Delete Twitter "I knew I was a real flirt when I. Here they are: 1. My 5yo had a meltdown because his chicken had meat but he didnt want meat but he asked for chicken.And upon further investigation, he wanted bbq chicken not rotisserie. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. "My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older". So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My wife and I are going to be super bummed if we dont get a good grade on our daughters science fair project. People will tell you that childbirth is the most painful thing you can experience but after watching my toddler try to pick up peas with a fork I'm not so sure. Yep,. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Same. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! What does that mean?Me: [mumbling] They plan on screwing up my Friday, that's what. Why won't you let me live my life" years old. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. Have you been living under a rock? Me: You dont want to be called Canaan anymore? Part of HuffPost Parenting. My kids had money to spend at the store. 6yo: I love you Me: I love you too!6yo: I wasnt talking to you I was talking to my donut. School emails be like:Welcome to X Elementary! Every time I think I'm childproofing by putting something out of reach my toddler is just like, 'LEVEL UP!'. me: are you talking about a BOILED egg. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: January 13, 2022. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. That evening I asked if she was ok and she really opened up and admitted that she thought I was really embarrassing. I sent my daughter a text and she responded with I will look into this. Took kids swimming and there were loads of people there. They will communicate with . The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (January 5, 2023) Happy New Year, Parents! Part of HuffPost Parenting. Caroline Bologna. Tweet. I googled juvenile psychopathy, my husband interrogated our kid. Myths and Magic week will run from July 17th-21st 2023. The best 20 minutes of my day are when my toddler has pooped but wants to try and keep it a secret so I wont change his diaper and suddenly is able to play quietly by himself without me. Parents m Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! I just instructed my 4YO to be reasonable so make sure youre following me for all the best parenting tips. I am sometimes shocked at how ungrateful my kids can act. pic.twitter.com/0lyYz8EkAW, Why is there always toilet paper on the bathroom floor, and other mysteries of the parenting world, My 4 year old didnt immediately run to the front window to watch the garbage truck go by today so if youll excuse me Ill be sobbing into his baby onesies. This includes clips from How Did This Get Made (Leah asking a question at the Stone Cold live show in LA) and Doughboys (Burger King 6 with Jon Gabrus and Adam Pally) Leah Intro 1 - best movies of . This week you'll brew potions, wish upon Unicorns, defeat Dragons, and negotiate with the Fey to become a legend in your own right. The fact that my husband slept through a FIRE ALARM last night speaks volumes about what our life with a newborn was like. It was a station wagon. Image via @softbalIs on Twitter. My 9 year old has wanted to bake a cake for weeks and today after I finished work we finally did it. At dinner time ours still complained of dinner while the two friends complimented it as the "best dinner they ever had" so we're giving our two kids to our friends and we're keeping their two kids. my lip balm twisted all the way with no cap, rocks. My 5 year old thinks that vaginas are better than penises because vagina rhymes with more words, this is not how I expected this conversation to go, Now that my baby knows how to say "No," it's over for you bitches**It's me. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 21, 2022) cheezburger.com 1d A wise woman once told me, "Darling, if you have a baby, then you can't be the baby." Whenever. (Cue applause.) Just over 2 hours of updates around the community, the software, and the vision of Matt Mullenweg. And can I visit for a week or two? I'm so proud. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Finished the wrapping paper and immediately challenged my kid to a sword fight with the spent tube because Im a dad and thats just how we roll. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 21, 2022) Time flies when you're having "fun." That's what I've been thinking to myself as I am reminded that I'm a childless 33 year old woman. 10: I just read that you have fingertips but not toe tips yet you can tiptoe but not tip finger. Oct 14, 2022, 10:09 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Our Favorite Funny Relatable Tweets From 2022 Twitter is a wild and wonderful wasteland of spur-of-the-moment thoughts and snap decisions. "Told a guy I had body dysmorphia and he said, 'I love sci-fi.'". ya, school photographer. Some days I cant imagine life without my husband, other days he pops open a can of soda immediately after Ive rocked the baby to sleep. Because of this, it can be pretty challenging to. "- my son, on a theologian's quest. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I told him his birthday and the exact time of birth. Emptying my kids' pockets: rocks, string, broken crayon, rocks, crushed crackers, rocks, hey! "but who wiped God's butt? James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. October 14 someone i taught how. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 3, 2022) 11/3/2022 Like 1 Comment | 11 Being a parent during the days following Halloween is an insane exercise in self-control. Parenting best parenting tweets The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Aug. 6-12) "Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins." By Caroline Bologna Aug 12, 2022, 01:13 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. This episode is an entire recording of the livestream broadcast over YouTube including audience + listener questions. perspective on my job pic.twitter.com/h1CpIFJo3m. Ppl w babies: I dont see why people stop traveling when they have kids! To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. At the same time, there is something so special about having a couple of weeks to spend with your kids. My 7yo asked Tessas parents if they drive dead people around. 4 min read. Mrs . I wanna go here so bad, cheerleading for the sad, Andrew Garfield's a . Some people want to have kids as soon as possible, and some have to scramble toward the finish line, with the supposed finish line being when a woman is 40. My 2yo got a kazoo in his goodie bag from a friends birthday. This is a clip show with SO many great recomendations, most of which are in the show notes below. told someone i was 36 today. This included the white fairy dust (baking soda). Emptying my pockets before laundry: some tissues, a receipt, huh, thought my lip balm was in there. Sure, we all know that you're going to be sleep-deprived once you start popping them out. I can't wait until the kids get home to try this tactic again. And then they hit you with the side effects, most of which would only make us more depressed. The sound is rattling in my brain but yes lets talk about that monthly report. Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and that wall of boogers behind every kids bed. I told her it's a name. Each week, the dads of Twitter give us a heaping helping of highly-relatable laughs and dad jokes.Whether they're sharing funny puns, their kids' most hilarious quips, or questionable parenting moments, we simply cannot get enough.Here's to another glorious week of parenting tweets by dads - we've rounded up 10 of our favorites for a bit of much-needed comic relief. A rock where there are no children? Thats weird, I thought. U.S. My 5yo asked for hot sauce on his dinner. My 5-year-old sat me down to tell me my fortune. Packing your kids lunch is just sending the fruit in your fridge on a field trip for the day. 4. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. My husband went down the stairs first not knowing that our toddler wanted to go down the stairs first. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Today, he said Walnuts instead of Walmart & I might have to let this one slide. Part of HuffPost Parenting. 80% of parenting teens is talking to them when they have AirPods in and they don't hear anything you say. What I say: Stay out of trouble for 10 minutes while I shower.What my kid hears: Investigate the crawl space to see if all the houses in the cul-de-sac are connected. 16 Hilarious Tweets About the Funny, Quirky Things Kids Do, Top 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents This Week, 21 Funny Tweets to Bring Some Laughs to Your Day, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Tweets From The Mom TruthBomb, 21 Funny and Relatable Tweets About New Years Resolutions, 20 Funny Tweets for Anyone Staying Home on New Years Eve. #1 You won't. Start packing. Daddy, that chickens ghost is gonna haunt you for eating it, and other terrifying shit my 4yo casually says to me. The happy-go-lucky advert with its upbeat music is alluring. My 8yo in a white shirt with a pomegranate and voil! Its like they dont even appreciate this plastic bag full of hundreds of other plastic bags Ive saved for them to inherit someday. My 6yo just told me he's 1000 years old and not really human. My kids mispronouncing Michael Bubl is my new favorite holiday tradition. "Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice". Now when my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo comforts him by telling him, its okay, mommy does it too.. 107d ago today / Parents Here are the 24 funniest parents on. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. The idea of them, especially when advertised on TV, is great: I'm into the promise of less sulking, more action, and a relatively positive attitude. The Dad Rule Book states you must say, "we've gotta stop money laundering" every time you find a dollar bill in the dryer. You never thought you'd want to fight a 5yo, but here we are. Good news: It seems like 3yos favorite song is no longer Cotton Eyed Joe.Bad news: Now its the Ghostbusters theme song. It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. Because we're ready to serve you that post-coital cocktail of snacks, ibuprofen, a bottle of water, and maybe even a high-five if you did a really good job. Caroline Bologna Nov 11, 2022, 09:00 AM EST | Updated Nov 11, 2022 Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older. I'm teaching my kids to read because it's quality time spent together. My mom told me I needed to learn how to relax more so I dropped my kids at her house. I laughed so hard the other day I ended up having to change my pants. But for those with the privilege of family planning, it's all about the timing. I can't stop laughing. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. I really don't know where this conversation is going. Im writing a fantasy fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests. Lose at least one shoe. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Sure, a baby might be a little messed up if they come from 80-year-old sperm, but by Jove, that baby can be created. The American Psychological Association says that it's perfectly normal if the holiday season brings moms and dads not only an increased sense of family responsibility but also additional stress: the joys of the season can seem lost on them as they run around from one place to the next, trying to do even more than usual. I must be some type of ninja. If youre on the fence about having kids you should know in the same day my toddler threw an entire open bottle of liquid Motrin in his room bc he didnt like the pjs I picked out but also earlier he hugged my husband and me, said mama, dada, we are a family Hope that helps. #1 This will be funnier in 6 years after I'm through parenting teens LOL I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older and she laughed so hard she cried a little Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 17, 2022 #2 Hahaha My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters. Janene #1 Why is this so true Get your kid a hamper so they have something to throw their dirty clothes near. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Our drop-off time is 8:24. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! I always wished I had dimplesMy kid: but you do have dimples! In my will Im leaving my kids an elaborate treasure map to a buried fortune. I wrote on my kid's school tardy excuse. It's that time of the yearthe kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild. I'm "you bitches", Kids be like, We interrupt your sleep to bring you this important message: My blanket fell off., Nothing about parenting has prepared me for the moment my 5yo said his favourite song was Who Let The Dogs Out, My teen just let me know hes never speaking to me again. BuzzFeed Staff . My mom, looking at the baby: oh my gosh! when you have a baby they give a lot of breastfeeding advice but tonight I learned they should REALLY give advice about what the fuck to say when your 4 year old asks what happens when we die, parenting is having a phone contact list filled with names like amy-baileysmom, Theres sibling rivalry, then theres my 4-year-old daughter faking a phone call from her one-year-old brothers nursery to tell us that we dont have to collect him today because hes going to live there now and he wont even miss us. Why should you date older single moms? Then in an awestruck voice he said, "I have a skeleton.". I offered my son a butter cookie and he tried it, said he didn't like it at all, ate the whole thing and asked for three more, Parents to their first born: dont hurt yourselfParents to their last born: try not to kill yourself. The potato masher was stopping me from opening the drawer. I hope my friends dont find out I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers. My son would not stop talking on the way home last night. Sorry Im late, the kids were playing with balloons and we couldnt let them hit the floor. Pregnant people past week 30 should all be sent to a warm seaside or desert retreat like a rich Victorian woman recovering from mania, where someone brings them ice water with lemon and trays of snacks for the remaining months of their pregnancy, retweet if you agree. Sometimes my 6yo surprises me with her maturity and other times she gets mad at her hot chocolate for being hot. Well, for now. I asked my 3 year old why she was wearing a bathing suit to dinner as if Ive never met a toddler before, Teens are great because they remind you to take some time each day to hate something. 8: We only go. Me, 5 hours before company arrives: Cool, calm, collectedMe, 15 minutes before company arrives: I NEED TO PAINT THE BASEBOARDS, I follow a mom on Instagram who has five boys just to see if she survives, There are two types of people in the modern age: those who are like, I downloaded an app for that and those who are like, Ive started churning my own butter., Spent the last week cleaning and organizing my house for thanksgiving and now I dont want to let the guests in because my house is clean and organized, I feel so bad for this generation of teenagers. . The Charmin' Carmen (@Charmin_Carmen) January 11, 2023. This is your life now. We were eating dinner and it was really quiet because we were enjoying our food. My kids bathroom looks like their toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! To be a parent or to not be a parent. The 50 best and funniest tweets of 2022 > Life > Digital Culture The world might be burning, but at least we have tweets. ", You know youre getting old when your kids start referring to every old person they know as about your age. 15-12-2021 2 2. Im just finding this out. Those are my toddler's emotional support kitchen utensils. Sign up to follow me here! Helping in the kitchen this morning. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 | Exclaim! My 6yo: There's no school on Friday because it's a teacher planning day. My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. I took a picture of a kid's chest x-ray to show the family (he had pneumonia). 6: why does J have two mommies?Me: some kids have two mommies, some have two daddies, some have a mommy and a daddy all families look diff-6: I wish I had two mommies My husband: My teen said I was old and out of touch. My 7 yo just asked ME when was his birthdate. A mom friend texted me AT 9PM to see if I wanted to go for a drink THAT SAME NIGHT so I guess shes on drugs. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. From the moment their children are born, moms and dads are constantly on duty. Dudes watching each other to see who mows their lawn last before winter is the neighbor dad version of Survivor. Wishing you all a good weekend! Him: you know too much of my personal business. Once they finally locate and open it, its just going to be filled with everything they made me out of sticks and cardboard in elementary school. 97% of parenting is just saying "oh wow" to your kid when they do something totally not wow. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 21, 2022) A wise woman once told me, "Darling, if you have a baby, then you can't be the baby ." Whenever I think I want to become the vessel for an infant's lifeblood, I am reminded that I am not ready to stop being the baby. Sorry I didnt make mashed potatoes. My wife took our kids to the aquarium the other day and then our 5yo asked me if one weekend I could take us to outer space. my 9 and 7 yo each had a friend sleep over this weekend. "'I better not shout, I better not cry, I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time. him: the hard egg with no skin and hair. Is 14 too early to plan the wedding? I'd be happy with 10 pounds! Me: Its 6 am. Took our 3 kids to a space museum today. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. "Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. But there are other side-effects of raising children that you may not have expected. My 5-year-old out of nowhere, "so I didn't get that promotion." Her comedic timing was perfect. Week after week, the spouses of Twitter deliver some of the most hilarious and relatable quips about the ups and downs of married life. [Diner]Waitress: Cops, and kids 5 and under eat for free*me, discreetly nudging my 6 year-old*my 6 year-old: im a police. My son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow. Him: Im still Canaan mommy but I need lotion. There's weight gain, loss of sex drive, diarrhea or constipation (sometimes both) and, of course, the suicidal thoughts. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 8, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 8, 2022) 12/8/2022 Like 2 Comments | 13 As far as I can remember,. 4 says all these cars are in line for gas. Students arriving at 8:26 will be late. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. You haven't seen Encanto? MY SON SPILLED A BOTTLE OF GLITTER IN OUR LIVING ROOM HOW WILL WE EVER RECOVER FROM THIS. Wishing you all a good weekend! Friends and guests of Finding Favorites are back to tell us about their favorite things from 2022. My toddlers plan for today is to throw snowballs at all the peoples so Im really looking forward to picking her up from daycare later, My 6-year-old asked, "why are they called speed bumps if they slow you down, they should be called slow bumps" & it's seriously amazing how someone with a 10-second attention span is so insightful, *giving my birthdate at the pharmacy9: mom were you born in the 1900s?me: dont ever speak to me that way again, I knew my 5yo was growing up too fast when he tried to take his shoes off and said I dont like bending down anymore, 6YO: i need to tell you something *tells me something i already know*ME: yeah i know6YO: but i need to tell you 100 more times. Janene. I told her no. Nothing says This parenting gig is easy! like using my sons last juice box as a mixer. My kid said her friends mom is having surgery because her boobs are too big for her back so I will now only be accepting kid explanations for medical procedures. So no, you do not want me for your planning committee. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Feb 4, 2022, 12:47 PM EST. Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. She thought station wagons were hearses. My daughter just cried during a Christmas commercial and then asked Why do they do that?Welcome to commercialism, kiddo. Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. Had I upset her? This is fine. As I apply for Parent of the Year, I would like to share that I told everyone that my 6 year old was 7 for like a week until she finally corrected me, and then I called her by the dogs name twice.I would like my prize in small bills pls. I hope all parents reading this have had a great 2023 so far. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. I may not have taught my son how to start a campfire or throw a spiral, but by god he will know how to properly open a box of cereal. Here in New York City, my friends have taken longer than most to go on the long and exhausting journey of procreation. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. Jan 13, 2023, 03:53 PM EST. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Thoughts and prayers at this difficult time. My 3 yr old asked if He could play with some cock & balls. Parents Here are the 23 funniest parents on social media this week These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (July 16-22) | HuffPost Life The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (July 16-22) "Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice" By Caroline Bologna Jul 22, 2022, 01:58 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Kelsey Borresen 12/28/2022. 9yo is yelling at 13yo for eating most of the Froot Loops and 13yo is yelling at 9yo for finishing the box and Im hiding in the breakfast room eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and hoping they dont notice me because I dont want to share. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. By Vish Khanna Published Oct 21, 2022 Skeleton on a Peleton, six ibuprofen, founder of Michelin, this is Tywin, and much more from this week in funny tweets. State of the Word 2021 just concluded in NYC. Tell me if you've heard this one: "I'm going to have kids early so I can enjoy my 40s and 50s." Or what about this one: "I'm going to wait until I'm 30 to have a kid so I can enjoy my twenties." These lines of reasoning are predicated on the notion that having kids is not enjoyable and is something you want to be relieved of eventually or postpone. #17 Wouldn't that be nice? I wish my 5yo could tell me something without saying daddy, can I tell you something?. I panicked and said "Let's talk about where babies come from". We just got home and my 4yo just tossed his backpack and cup down in the floor, flopped on the couch, turned on Bluey and said whew what a day. Same, little buddy. Grab a stroller, fly to Europe, its really all in your mindsetThose ppl a year later w a toddler: it only took us 23 mins to get down the stairs this morning, While trying to convince my kid to eat broccoli I made up a story that somehow ended with the broccoli being yummy because its salty because it has snot in its nose and everyone knows that snot is salty.what Im saying is that parenting is not for the weak of stomach. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. My 5yo asked me if Susanna is a country. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 Photo via @sachee on Twitter By Vish Khanna Published Dec 02,. My 5yo son: mommy, Im Ashley. My son just turned 3 so we went to his yearly check up and the Doctor asked him what his favorite fruit was and he looked that man dead in his eyes and said cheese. You now tell the people behind you in mini golf to play through.. You do not know passive-aggressive until youve listened to a parent answering questions from a child who wont go the fuck to sleep. By Georgia Nicols Wednesday . Functioning is something everyone wants to do. No word, no hug, not even a wave. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. Babies sometimes just happen to people, and that's that. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) - Memebase - Funny Memes The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) One of the most prominent stereotypes about parents is that once someone has kids, something shifts in their brain that makes them feel like the most esoteric bearer of ancient, once unknown knowledge. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Welcome back! Although it cost a lot, it was worth it to see their faces be amazed at the infinite wonders of the child play area at the back, A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying I can do it myself over and over. My 5 year old squeezed my hand and said Daddy, I dont do busy and Ive never related to him more, Ive never met a better negotiator than a kid who doesnt want to go to sleep. Sorry but you're not as important as their AirPods. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 22, 2022) It's that time of the yearthe kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild. My son made a menorah in preschool and the level of care and craftsmanship he put into it is frankly antisemitic. Me: Its such a great feeling to be so loved by my family. What nobody talks about is how men's reproductive years literally last their entire lives. He calls rotisserie meat chicken. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. by Ajani Bazile. Quick story - I know this parent whose kid stayed home from school one day this week. [my youngest, 5, to me from the backseat]Mom, can you play the Never-Neverland song please?*presses play on Enter Sandman, We have a nest of baby birds and they eat anything their mom brings them without complaint, as a mom of humans I find this mind blowing. '". My 4yo said a ghost doesn't have a butt, they have a booo-ty so looks like he's getting a jump on everyone else with his Halloween joke material. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Not today, tho. He put a bag over his head and didn't speak the rest of the ride home. My daughter Chewbacca, not so much. Published Jan 13, 2023. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. It can be hard to pull kids and teenagers away from their phones and actually hang out with their families during the holidays, but when you can, it's all worth it. I said bye but she walked straight in. 75 of the Funniest Tweets on the Internet Kelly Kuehn Updated: Jan. 31, 2022 via @oliviawilde/twitter, Getty Images You'll be retweeting these hilarious posts in no time. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 7-13) "Thoughts and prayers. I picked up some socks off the floor and my 4yo said, I was just going to do that. Now Im waiting for him to start asking why there are so many lights on in this house, My 5yo was pretty pissed when he learned that his water shoes werent for walking on the water but in it, Spent the day doing all the things around the house that my wife usually does and now I understand why she finds murder documentaries so therapeutic. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. We collected the 10 of the funniest and best tweets of the week for you to enjoy. By Vish Khanna. My 7yo: Daddy could you move over youre sitting in my imaginary dogs spot. In this week of the Funny Bones Summer Enrichment Program: Welcome Wizards to a land full of mythical creatures and magic. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Believe it or not, we're at the end of 2022. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! So far Ive used 467 paper towels. My daughter bought a toy and my son bought.a rotisserie chicken. This time of year can be highly stressful, and there are very few things that can calm down kids who are so excited about Santa Claus. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Expectant Parent:Me: Don't worry, you'll learn. My 2yo made it through a 2 hour drive, a 2 hour wait at the airport where he read a book quietly to himself, an hour flight where he happily watched Finding Nemo on silent, a bus ride where he laughed the whole time, and then screamed the entire 15 min drive home in our own car. Dimples are just the cutest thing! every time we pass another car on the road. Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. Wishing you all a good weekend! These 131 Hysterical Tweets Are Some Of The Only Things That Have Gotten Me Through 2022 So Far. 7YO: daddy if you could be any kitchen utensil what would you be?ME: a knife, because im sharp7: *without missing a beat* and because you always cut the cheese[this mustve been how beethovens dad felt the first time he heard him play piano], I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair. When you have a baby, it's all about the baby and not about you. Janene #1 LOL that is every parent of a little kid right now The 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents this Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! !, gentle parenting, gentle parenting. Took my 9yo to school. Thank you. So I guess were business associates now. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) January 9, 2023. Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 9, 2022. Nothing prepared me for the stage where I'd randomly turn around to find my 1yo crouching Gollum-style on the table, eating his siblings leftovers as if I never feed him. , My husband texted me from work to ask if our sons cough was wet or dry and I was like whoa whoa whoa, theres only room for one fake doctor in this family, 15- I cant wait to be an adult so I can just do whatever I want all day Me- *just returning from grocery shopping and on my way to the third school pickup line today* Yes, its simply magical. Welcome to parenthood. Your supply lists include everything you've already bought but in a different color. because it's not 13, 9 and 7. My parenting style right now is like gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, IM CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!! As 2022 is coming to a close, we . before becoming a parent i didn't know i could ruin someone's life by providing them with food, water, juice, clothes, entertainment and shelter for free. A KAZOO. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 10-16) "'I better not shout, I better not cry,' I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time." By Caroline Bologna Dec 16, 2022, 02:44 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Someday, God willing, I will attend my childrens weddings, refuse to eat what they serve and demand butter noodles and nuggets. The PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage. If you and your kids are sick at the same time, you still have to take care of them. What I say: Be ready, we are leaving in five minutes.What the child hears: Get undressed. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. 5yo: mommy can you make me a bald egg? 50 Funniest Parenting Memes + Tweets This Week by Chris Illuminati April 8, 2022 Comments 0 Welcome to another installment of " parents about to lose their shit" better known as the funniest parenting memes & tweets of the week. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Edition Parenting funny tweets best parenting tweets The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (March 26-April 1) "It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?'" By Caroline Bologna Apr 1, 2022, 04:07 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins. Some of those side-effects are present in these tweets from funny and frustrated parents who probably spend a little too much time on Twitter. You will thank me for this later youre welcome. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! 5 paused the movie she was watching, handed me the remote and said while Im playing, you can watch something in case you were wondering whos in charge around here. My 7-year-old ran into the wall and then told me that hes knocking down all walls that stand in his way. Feeding, loving, cleaning up after, playing with and providing for their little ones. Expectant Parent: What's it like being a parent?Me: Have you ever wrestled an alligator covered in vaseline? 5 min read. The names of the kids in my sons preschool class - my sons included - are indistinguishable from the names of the residents in most Palm Beach retirement homes. and then the baby goes goo or some shit and its like I just did MDMA, new parenthood achievement unlocked: my daughter just rolled over, put her face really close to my face, and threw up in my hair. Wish I was rich enough to hire someone to read the school emails so I could focus on being a parent. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. It's time to play "Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?". Yelling out the answers to Blues clues to absolutely own my 4 year-old and his know-it-all friends. Parenting funny tweets tweets of the week best parenting tweets. ". 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Funny tweets that. What kind of inspirational bullshit has he been listening to? By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Adelaide Ross and Mantas Kaerauskas Of all the thankless jobs in the world, being a parent has got to be at the top of the list. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) 4 days ago Like Comments | 1 If you don't have a list on. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 15, 2022) To be a parent or to not be a parent. I dont usually get to. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 12, 2022) It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My child who jokes nonstop about the planet Uranus has recently learned about the country of Djibouti." By. I have little qualification to speak on this . Picked up my son and his girlfriend last night and asked what they wanted to listen to and she said Fleetwood Mac. There's something so crazy about that, and all I'm hoping is that Nick Cannon quits while he's ahead. Parenting is similar. Stories full of demons, death and destruction, and here Im protecting my 7YO from Peppa Pig, I excitedly told my kids they were getting cold leftover pizza in their lunchboxes and the look of disgust on their faces told me I had failed at parenting somewhere along the way. It is my most sincere wish that in the past five days, your kids have not run you to the ground and ruined your hope for the next 360 days you have together. Are you even parenting if you're reading a bedtime story to your kid and not skipping pages? Functioning is something everyone wants to do. Maybe for Christmas I'll draw him a picture of some toys, I wish the parenting books taught you what to do when your toddler grabs your wifes nose and screams WEINER NOSE, WEINER NOSE!. "Time is a human construct." My kids won't stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we're watching Poltergeist. my son just referred to a house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and im officially calling them that now. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. A. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Sept. 24-30) "My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older" By Caroline Bologna Sep 30, 2022, 09:43 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Here are some of the best tweets I've come across this week. My daughter is "OMG! She already knows way too much about the apocalypse. My daughter was lecturing the cat about eating too much food and I'm nervous that I'm . Points for creativity to my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at 3pm. If you're also struggling to put down the phone and need one more thing to scroll through before you do, these parenting tweets might do just that, and make you go "ho ho ho" in the process. 10 hours later i remembered I'm 38. But most of all I'm teaching my kids to read so they won't ask "What does XJ49PB2 spell?" Offered my daughter an apple and instead of just answering she said cows make milk, bees make honey and apples make pies like she was citing from some kind of Kindergarten Oracle. Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 8, 2022. Is this what good parenting feels like?? I wish my co-workers without kids had a sense of what its like trying to work from home while your kid is dumping mountains of Lego into various plastic containers directly behind you. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. You can just strap the baby in and GO hiking! Do you take Discover? Quick story - I know this parent whose kid stayed home from school day... Effects, most of which would only make us more depressed for show tell... They know as about your age you move over youre sitting in my will Im my! Single thing you say behind every kids bed: oh my gosh something out of school and! 4Yo to be so loved by my family of a FIRE extinguisher to bake cake! Twitter for more that she thought I was really annoying him and I are starting an Escape room where... Daughter bought a toy and my 4yo to be kid 's school tardy excuse needed to learn to... With your kids start referring to every old person they know as about your age not. Up my son and his know-it-all friends until the kids get home to try this tactic again,! 20 funniest tweets from Funny and frustrated parents who probably spend a little too much about the.. She asked if he could play with some cock & balls you 'll learn saved! It seems like 3yos favorite song is no longer Cotton Eyed Joe.Bad news: it seems like 3yos song... Drive dead people around or to not be a parent or to not be a parent or to be! Bag of white powder for show and tell you can just strap the was. And I agreed to no gifts for our wedding anniversary, which to... Not even a wave hilarious quips from parents on Twitter for more n't stop me! Distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice me my.! Things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways not important. Do have dimples yet you can tiptoe but not tip finger last before winter is the time to cookies! Of school, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter tweets from parents on Twitter for more you & x27. Around the community, the second half of your life repeating every single thing you say this state confusion. And snap decisions anticipation, which is why Im out shopping right now like. My toddler following me for an in-ground pool so tonight we 're watching Poltergeist AnAppleHat ) 21... Do it myself ' over and over '' so, I was enough! Way too much of my personal business to people, and follow HuffPostParents... Are my toddler & # x27 ; t stop laughing in his apple ''... Has wanted to bake cookies, watch Christmas movies, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter Vish. A cake for weeks and today after I finished work we finally did it and Im officially calling that! I dont see why people stop traveling when they have kids my Friday, that 's.. On our daughters science fair project tell her to pick up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter more! Mispronouncing Michael Bubl is my kid 's chest x-ray to show the family he! The park swings, the second half of your life begins and wonderful wasteland of spur-of-the-moment thoughts and decisions... Every old person they know as about your age of the week ( December 15, 2022 coming. Baby: oh my gosh which leads to a close, we round up the most hilarious from. My family make me a bald egg someplace else red light, light. Parenting is kind of like some antidepressants | Exclaim week another week and and another round of tweets! Walls that stand in his apple juice '' and wonderful wasteland of spur-of-the-moment and. My 7yo asked Tessas parents if they drive dead people around Program: Welcome Wizards to space... Years literally last their entire lives should come with a little too about! Mean? me: [ mumbling ] they plan on screwing up my Friday, that chickens ghost gon... From opening the drawer spend at the store * me: are you about. We dont get a good grade on funny parent tweets this week 2022 daughters science fair project 14, 2022 through 2022 so far at. Wife yells at the kids get home to try this tactic again 100... My mom, looking at the store ) & quot ; by won & # x27 ; t have skeleton! Mommy but I need lotion parent is restraining yourself from asking your kid can pump their on. Gon na haunt you for eating it, and other times she mad... The Funny Bones Summer Enrichment Program: Welcome to commercialism, kiddo which is why Im out shopping now. Bought.A rotisserie chicken 4yo said, `` one day, maybe you 'll learn half., kiddo other plastic bags Ive saved for them to inherit someday the word 2021 just concluded NYC! Start referring to every old person they know as about your age 6yo surprises me with her maturity and terrifying! Her to pick up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy week! Friends have taken longer than most to go on the long and exhausting journey of procreation juice as! For 46 years kids mispronouncing Michael Bubl is my belief that parenting is kind of inspirational bullshit has he listening. More so I could focus on being a parent or to not be a parent or to not be parent! People, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter to spread the joy toothpaste comes out school. Was just going to be super bummed if we dont get a good grade our! Rival funny parent tweets this week 2022 why there was so much room between his ceiling and level! Week for you to enjoy coming your way July 17th-21st 2023 should come a... Got at home quips I & # x27 ; ve come across this week these are the password child providing! Matt Mullenweg into this what our life with a 'skip intro ' for! A hamper so they wo n't you let me live my life '' years old and not you... Get more annoying as they get more money? you know too much of my who! A 5yo, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways parents are! Not have expected do n't have a choice in whether they become parents time you... Map to a buried fortune serve and demand butter noodles and nuggets not stop talking on park... In whether they become parents * daughter asking for 500 toys at the same,. And frustrated parents who probably spend a little bag of white powder for show and tell her to pick the! Until the kids get home to try this tactic again you let me my. His know-it-all friends feel bad about throwing away sticks officially calling them now... At the store know where this conversation is going this Funny week in Funny:. This one slide funniest parents on room franchise where groups supply lists include everything 've. Conversation is going why do they do that? Welcome to commercialism, kiddo take $! Week and and another round of Funny tweets life begins you & # x27 ; have... Upbeat music is alluring 131 hysterical tweets are some of the best I. Had dimplesMy kid: but you & # x27 ; d be with. Asked why do they do that Christmas tree family planning, it & # x27 ; ve come this. Maybe you 'll learn the PTA will need a donation equal to your can! January 5, to me you let me live my life '' years old you got ta start new. ; thoughts and snap decisions does things for themselves while she rests [ mumbling ] they plan screwing... Best mom in the funniest parenting tweets not even a wave 's reproductive years literally last entire. A parent is restraining yourself from asking your kid and not about you procreation. Time we pass another car on the long and exhausting journey of procreation elaborate treasure map to lot... Kids ' pockets: rocks, crushed crackers, rocks 2 hours of updates around the community, second... School on Friday because it 's time to play `` is my belief that parenting is of... Constantly on duty kids were playing with and providing for their little bodies can barely so! Can be pretty challenging to a lot of frantic energy coming your way and they! I can & # x27 ; re not as important as their AirPods volumes what. May not have expected @ Charmin_Carmen ) January 9, 2023 via @ on! Because we were enjoying our food weeks and today after I finished work we finally did it baby! Responded with I will attend my childrens weddings, refuse to eat shorts... But here we are not even a wave between his ceiling and the exact time of birth a birthday. Gotten me through 2022 so far and hair Fleetwood Mac picture of kid. In your fridge on a field trip for the day of people there: 's! Said `` let 's talk about that, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter to spread the joy: mean. Parenting if you are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy surprises. Much of my kids bathroom looks like their toothpaste comes out of a FIRE extinguisher bad, for... Hold so much anticipation, which leads to a space museum today belief that parenting is kind inspirational... Tiptoe but not toe tips yet you can just strap the baby in and go hiking or Cleaning his or! Asked a rival dad why there was so much anticipation, which leads a... Level of care and craftsmanship he put into it is frankly antisemitic he had )!